*Originally published on my Instagram account.
The photos attached to this blog post were taken the first day of chemotherapy treatment—last Monday. (You read that right.) On Oct. 5, 2021 my entire world turned upside down. I was putting on my pajamas and found a lump in my right breast—on accident. I immediately booked an appt. with my doc. Things went spiraling after the words: “I see why you’re concerned. Let’s get that mammogram scheduled.” That mammogram turned into an ultrasound, which turned into a biopsy. A couple days later, I’d learn the results were consistent with breast cancer.
I panicked. Panicked, panicked, panicked. Anything can happen to anyone, but I kept wondering if it was a mistake. I was 35! 😞
After diagnosis, nothing stopped spinning as I went to appointment after appointment. I had no idea there were so many kinds of oncologists. I now have three. My kind of breast cancer is curable/treatable, but I’m undergoing chemotherapy. I don’t know how to describe the immense agony that came with waiting for answers. But relief came once there was a plan. I have a chance. They could have told me anything that day. It could have been worse. So what if I had to give up my tickets to Christmas Con? So what if I wouldn’t be able to release a holiday novelette? So what if I’d lose my hair? It was worth it if it meant more life. I felt guilty for thinking that way—it was all so trivial considering what I was dealing with.
I really struggled to share this. I put a lot on social media—especially about my career. Things like this feel too personal, and I tend to be private when I put something in that category. Plus, I don’t want people to think I’m doing it to get sympathy. But then I thought of the women avoiding their annual mammograms. And so I’m sharing.
I’m trying to iron things out and take it a day at a time. Luckily, I have generous/kind people in my support system. My family is incredible, near and far. (The unit—@prettypeacockpaperie @debrevanales @jeffthebarbarian—has been with me day in and day out for meals, appointments, pep talks, everything.) Megan and Beth have been holding down WA/BFLM since my diagnosis. And my close friends are AMAZING. Thank you for the calls, texts, gifts, LOVE, SUPPORT. My parents can’t believe the amount of mail arriving to my front door daily. Your kindness makes this all a little more bearable. I’ll try to post a few updates, but for now, I’m gonna post the things that make me happy. Holiday time is my favorite, and I have a lot of lost time to make up for.
Xoxo,
R
